did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
