just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
