apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
