i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
