my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
