I'm laying in your front yard are you home
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
