i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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