When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
