when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
