This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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