I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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