if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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