That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
