They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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