I cannot find my penis.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
