I got chris browned last night
You can't special order awesome
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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