Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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