You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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