went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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