thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What a dumb baby whore.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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