I wannas sexs uuuuu
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
