Tell her she can't have a vagina
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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