can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Randomize
