I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
