They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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