I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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