I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
