In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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