I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
