ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
