And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
