just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize