Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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