she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
