I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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