This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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