Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
