I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
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She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
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His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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