So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
