We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
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you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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