I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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