4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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