A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I checked into jail on foursquare
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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