yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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