I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
