I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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