I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
