I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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