im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
