So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i think i have two assholes
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
