I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
