you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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