best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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