Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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