Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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