I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
