Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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