I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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