just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
