I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
