I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
