You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
