well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
