For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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