9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
