On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
