Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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