I want to make a zoo with you.
I puked a lego.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
