you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
