I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
