a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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