I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
