but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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