I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
