We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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