i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I stole a fireplace last night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
