I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
