i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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