He disabled his match.com account in front of me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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