guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
